guess the full quits never stop coming.
Due to my somewhat emo post last, I’ve too much pride to continue on here.
Needless to say, I’ve still been seeking for an avenue of refuge.

Thankfully, I managed to save all my pre-historic blog entries that date all the way back to 2 days before my 18th birthday. Being able to add the archives of this blog into the compilation, I’m technically not blogwhoring anymore.

As of today,
goodbye sgcafe.zxq.net/wordpress
ineed… we’ve shared some quirky times together, and it’s time we parted our separate ways.

-sg.

/here.

It seems difficult to remain motivated in keeping tabs with this place. Of course, there are so many resolutions I’ve been meaning to keep, and yet have seldomly come round to keeping them. But the more I return to this place, the more I come to see how it resembles something of an ‘abandoned project’.

There come times when I feel impelled to write something, or to mention something, to later find that as I type, these words no longer mean anything to me. As fickle as I may sound right now, I’ve come (through some many twists and turns) to find that I don’t really need a place like this anymore to keep tabbing my days.
Simply put, I feel I have nothing to offer to others whenever I write - despite how self-doubting that may sound. And lately, I’ve been asking a lot of questions - looking for answers which I know I have to find… regarding where my life spirals towards from here.

In truth, I’ve spoken enough nonsense to find that I have been kidding myself with my silly choices in life thus far… and feel I should try stepping back for once and search intently for those “things that matter most”.

Perhaps in due time, when I’m ready, I’ll be able to sort myself out a little so that I could acquire a clearer perspective. But until then, really, I fear that there is no longer a strong need to religiously return here (as some kind of ritual) to write as much as I did in the past.

It is generally anticipated with great excitement as well as with some sense of imprisonment when another new segment of the schooling year commences. Tomorrow marks the beginning of those sorts for a large sum of students, as the former weeks of fluidity, and free will (granted by the holidays) jolts back into order and routine. The lively buzz of just that jolt, perhaps, is no longer comparable to the kind you’d notice in high school - yet still, there is some kind of electricity evident among those who have reconciled themselves, with great determination, to change and “do better than before“.

Though quite differently with me, as it did previously at the beginning of this year, I’m being reeled into a new group of 150+ odd students belonging to the new pharm cohort for 2008. Consequently, I’ve been thrown into a blurr of emotions that, with great doubt, seem at all positive.

To be honest, I feel a bit shipwrecked at the moment: I’ve been trying my absolute hardest to change my take on this world, and am still left with the sense of helplessness in yield of this “dark thing” that lurks inside; I don’t quite think it’s depression… yet somewhere along those lines, I know it leans to that side as if it’s become the new black hole.
What talent other people possess in being able to survive whenever tides of change flood by: I’m still baffled by the average person’s strength. Yet to be standing here, watching change as it engulfs me leaves the last tinge of melancholy lingering with a nostalgic nausea I cannot run from.

How hard it is, and has been for me thus far, I need not explain.
Yet to notice that I’m still standing and ploughing through it all on my own - is all the recognition I could ever ask for …

I’m sure everyone finds themselves facing times like these. Where every area of their lives presents as doubts with large question marks that seem to beam only at themselves, and it almost feels like torment being speculative over such things that once seemed  trustworthy and valuable.
I console myself in such a way, knowing that I am very much human…

So it’s not that I’m in need… or needy .. so to speak.
So much has happened: so much. And sometimes, I feel so troubled by it that I want to run away from it all and throw it all away.
Yet I know… like the blink of an eye, it’ll all pass. Just as it would cost for the good times to come, at last.

Hence, school’s back. … and yeah,
as I’m sure most students would agreee,
it’s just soooo not cool maaaannn!.